We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think your dad took our porno
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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