Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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