Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
