dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
