I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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