Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
