Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize