Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
