i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
