i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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