Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
