Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
