My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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