Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
