oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
