what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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