It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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