I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
