I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
