does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
