I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
