OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
