I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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