Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
