Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
