ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
