do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
