if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
