Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
