So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
