Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
