if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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