I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
