dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
