I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
