it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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