He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
