every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
