You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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