I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
