oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
