Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
