oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
