Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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