I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
