I CAN MOONWALK!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
