It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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