You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
