Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When are your genitals available?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
