I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
