Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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