put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
