Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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